“For those that don’t know me, and I go back all the way to middle school. “As you slide down the banister of life, may all the marital splinters be pointed in the right direction.”.“Two bits of advice to the new bride: One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and, two, don’t waste that night with the girls.”.That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.” “Always get married early in the morning.“I hope you get so many wedding gifts that you don’t realize none are from me.”.“I’m so glad we all had a night to rehearse getting drunk for the wedding reception.”.“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”–Henry Youngman.There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”–Henry Kissinger. “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”-Socrates.

“By all means, marry if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner. With time, though, you will learn how to always get the last two words in every discussion - just make sure the words are ‘Yes dear.’” “To the groom: Early in your marriage, you will find it difficult to get the last word in any discussion.

“May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first.”.

“Here’s to the bride – may she share everything with her husband…and that includes the housework.”.

Check out a few wedding toast quotes and speeches to inspire you and help make your toast memorable below! Image Source: FUNNY WEDDING TOAST QUOTES

Funny wedding night stories